It's been so long...

The only place I can pour my heart out without getting judged. Honestly, I don't know who to talk to anymore. Not because I don't trust them, but I just can't find the right words to say what I feel. It's a messed up place inside of me. I kinda hate bumping into the people I once used to talk to... 

And if you came back after I pushed you away, maybe just maybe I will let you in. I hate letting people in because I'm just fucked up. A place where you don't wanna be involve in, even I give up on myself. Why would anyone want to be with me? 

I don't deserve anybody, I don't deserve my best friend, I don't deserve my family, I don't deserve my friends, I don't deserve anyone or anything at all. Truthfully, I miss my best friend so much, so much that it hurts. The times when we spend everyday together, the times we will sit at the playground and talk. Just the time, back to 2009. And now I need her the most but I just.... Maybe I don't deserve it. Too much to say, too much tears have shed, too much hard times. This is the time that I wanna run away the most. 

When it all falls apart.

There comes a time when you're thinking about the past, the people who used to be in your life, how you lost it. I still got that affecting feeling when i see them or their name, how we used to hang out and how i always disturb them. But there's no use to dwell on it anymore, it's already in the past. Oh well.. time don't wait for the people that have left anw.

Wonderwall.

I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. but human bonds always lead to messy complications: commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport. besides, if I let someone get that close they’d see who I really am. and I can’t let that happen. so time to put on my mask.